Lost?

Have you ever lost something? I suppose you have. I have. I hate it. If there is one feeling I detest more than any other, it is the loss of control that comes when I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it when something insists on staying lost. I know the lost thing is somewhere, and if only I can remember where I put it, or remember when I last saw it, then I can find it. It makes me feel dumb, flakey, disorganized, out of control, you name it.

Worse yet is the feeling I get when it starts to dawn on me that the thing I lost is just simply not around anymore, not in my house, not anywhere, completely and utterly gone and there is no hope for getting it back.

Once, a few years ago, the kids and I went to the park to play ball. We packed up baseballs, bats, mitts, and a baseball T. When we were ready to go home, we packed everything back into the car. A few days later we wanted to use the baseball T, but no one knew where it was. We went through the usual routine of trying to track it down in the house, the backyard, the garage. Then it hit us. It was left at the park. Ug. When something like this happens, my heart sinks, I feel icky, and everyone gets sad and cranky.

I recently misplaced an envelope with some cash in it. To this day, I cannot find it anywhere. I know it’s here. Somewhere. I think. Isn’t it? It has to be, I can’t think of anywhere else it could be. It’s bugging me. I can’t stop obsessing about it. Completely out of my control. It insists on staying lost.

Recently, my house got broken into. We got the full treatment. Hoodlums broke the glass on a window in the back of the house, climbed in, grabbed my kid’s computers, our iPad, walked right by my computer (I have no idea how we lucked out on that one), took the pillowcase off my bed presumably to put the laptops in, and walked out the front door. Talk about loss of control and inability to get my stuff back. Wow.

After the shock reaction wore off I felt so powerless. I lost my stuff!!! More to the point, someone forced the loss on me. And I couldn’t get it back, no matter what I did!!! I wasn’t really quite sure what to do about that. Except I knew, really there was nothing I could do. Ick.

But then, I remembered, it’s just stuff. Chill Karen, things are easily forgotten, replaced, no worries. It’s all good! Life goes on and everything is ok.