I’ll let you in on a couple of secrets. First, I’m a massive control freak inside my head, and second, I worry. A LOT. About everything. In some areas of my life, I hide it so well that people are genuinely shocked to learn this about me. In fact, I’ve had friends say, “But you’re so chill!” In other areas, it’s more obvious, as my kids can attest. I work hard to be chill and not control everything, and I put in a ton of effort to not sweat the small stuff and keep things as simple as possible. It’s a constant battle, but one I’m committed to fighting.

The other day, my awesome HR partner shared this article with me. In our bi-weekly catchup call, we’d been chatting about control and knowing what’s actually in your control and what isn’t. The article discusses the “Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control” concept. It’s very simple and powerful – some things you can control, some you can influence, and others you can only worry about. It’s up to you to figure out where to put your energy.

1. Circle of Control: This is where we have direct control – our thoughts, our actions, and our reactions.
2. Circle of Influence: This is the stuff we can impact but not directly control – personal relationships, things at work, etc.
3. Circle of Concern: This is the stuff we care about but can’t do anything about – the economy, weather, other people’s opinions, etc.

The circles are nested, so the third circle is the biggest, the second sits inside that, and the first sits inside that one. The stuff you can control is the smallest area, get it?

Knowing about control and spheres of influence doesn’t make it easy to manage. That said, there are a few questions I try and keep front and center:

1. Can I actually control this?
2. If not, can I influence it somehow?
3. If it’s totally out of my hands, can I just… let it go?

Reading about this concept reminded me of the old Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” I don’t need to control every little thing or win every battle to be okay. Sometimes, the best move is to loosen my grip and just… trust. And when I stop trying to control everything, life has this weird way of working itself out.