The past eight weeks have been a poignant chapter in my life, marked by a bittersweet return to work from a four-week leave of absence. The necessity of my leave arose from my mother’s ten-plus-year battle with Alzheimer’s, a fight she bravely and peacefully concluded on October 14. I wanted to take some time to reflect on my personal experiences during my leave and express gratitude for the unique workplace support that made it possible.

I traveled from my home in Albuquerque, New Mexico, to Minneapolis, where my father lives with my sister in her home in mid-September. Once in Minneapolis, I worked half days for a week or so while I supported my family. At a certain point, I decided to take FMLA leave to dedicate myself fully to the family and spend as much time with my mother as possible. I spent my days as an assistant, housekeeper, and general task-doer for my father, driving him to his medical appointments. I was also able to support my sister, our parents’ primary caregiver over the last three years, by sharing our family’s responsibilities.

As a highly driven person, it was sometimes hard to internalize that it was okay to be on leave and not account for every moment of my day. At first, if I had downtime, I felt like I should be working. Rationally, I knew this was not the case, but the shift from work productivity to home productivity (or lack thereof 😀 ) is tricky!

The hours I sat with my mother—singing hymns, praying, and reading Scripture to her—were moments of profound connection. (Tears come to my eyes as I write this as I’m still grieving for her and will be, I expect, for some time to come. I’m told that it hits you out of nowhere; you can go from being totally fine to tears as a memory or a yearning hits you.) Loving and caring for her during her final days was a privilege that held deep meaning for me. I’m the baby of six siblings, and while I know each of my siblings has a unique relationship with her, I was her baby, her youngest. Even toward the end, when she was still semi-lucid and semi-aware, I could say, “Hi, Mom! It’s me, Karen, your baby!” And she’d smile at me with her signature eye twinkle.

During this period, I was confronted with the reality that not everyone has the privilege of workplace flexibility. Among my siblings, I was alone in being able to completely step away from work with the assurance that my absence would not hinder my division’s work nor impact my own employment. This realization has deepened my appreciation for my employer, Automattic, where we understand and value people despite our imperfections (no company is perfect  🙂 ).

I’m so grateful for our ethos and our benefits. I return with a renewed appreciation for the support systems that have upheld me during a challenging time.

In closing, here are some of my favorite pictures of my mom. She’s so cute, I’ll take any excuse to share pictures of her: